TL;DR:
Every relationship must end — and how you close it reveals as much about your values as how you began it. This is the story of how I said farewell to my second coaching client, and why graceful endings are the coach's last act of care.
Memento mori means ‘remember you must die’.
Everything you start on this earth must come to an end, including every relationship you’re in right now. No cheating.
We find it uncomfortable to end relationships ourselves; it’s easier to be dumped than to dump someone. Just remember the last time you had to say no. But to do it gracefully? Unimaginable to many.
This is not a story of a love affair of mine, but a reflection on how I said farewell to my second ever client – let's call him Tim – this week and why it’s incredibly important for independent growth. The reflection will still ring true for any other relationship, and I hope you’ll see why.
Professional coaches have several ethical responsibilities; graceful closure is one of them. Within every story, topic, and person there is a vulnerable soul we receive permission to work with, and we’re obliged to honor that trust.
A Lack of Confidence Behind the Ask for Clarity
It was the 2nd of January, a perfectly cozy morning to sit in my office chair waiting for Tim to dial in from Thailand. As with most clients, his heart’s desire was to gain clarity on his project and what his next steps should be to launch a successful workshop in a foreign country. Quite a challenge, I immediately felt the pressure he put on himself.
As Tim started talking, his energy radiated through the monitor as I watched him speak. He was excited to share all his ideas, but the subtle hesitation was a telltale sign of dissonance.
Behind clarity lurked the lack of confidence which was understandable since this was his first time launching something so ambitious.
I asked what confidence meant to him, and Tim described his perfectionism - wanting to provide the best possible experience and wanting to put emphasis on representation, so quality could be unmistakable.
The change in focus on confidence instead of clarity made all the difference because I know nothing about how to make workshops successful in the Far East, and I don’t plan to become an expert in this field either. But I’m quite comfortable in moments when someone might feel a lack of confidence.
Talking about clarity in the beginning became permission to start our relationship, to dare to ask for help, which is a huge step. From that point onward, my job shifted to enabling Tim to reconnect to his own authority while continuously protecting his dignity.
Free Will to Go Together
If you ever catch yourself wondering whether a coach is for real or not, always remember the word authority and that it lies with you at all times.
Right; but what does that mean?
Tim and I formed a relationship that was open-ended from day one, and we were empowered to say we didn’t want to work with each other whenever we saw fit. To me, this is important because I believe that all relationships must be optional. Nobody should force anything on anyone; this is especially true in professional coaching that works with people when they’re in one of the most vulnerable states, week in, week out.
Tim and I decided together to keep working because we found a comfortable pace as we looked at small pieces from his childhood and previous professions to see how his past molded his confidence carried into his present, that made his future blurry.
To his surprise, it was there all along; he just lost the connection for a while.
It’s Your Job to Become Confident
Last week, around the session’s midpoint, Tim told me: “I feel like I’m on the mountain and I see how far I’ve traveled already and see the summit is close. I know how to reach it.”
I’ve never heard him so calmly confident while talking about what he needs to do. He didn’t need me anymore but didn’t fully realize that yet. My soul was smiling at him, and I shared what I felt. He started smiling, and we sat there for what felt like a minute in silence, feeling what that meant.
As the session ended, I told him that I thought my job here was done. I told him my job here was done — he had all the power he needed to reach the summit without me — but I asked him how he felt because I saw a blend of surprise and sorrow in his eyes.
Tim told me that the recognition felt good, he indeed felt the most confident he’d felt in a while but at the same time he had grown used to our sessions and couldn't quite imagine them ending.
When we started our last session this week, I asked Tim how he imagined the session would go, and he told me that he anticipated a casual, friendly chat.
Instead, he was surprised to find that all my questions circled around his growth within the last five months, making sure he really gave himself credit for the incredible work he put into his self-development.
When we started to work together, he rarely connected to his deeper self on an emotional level to notice and appreciate all the strength he already had. His presence had always been energetic; it was natural for him to take that power for granted.
We spent the entire hour appreciating his efforts and honoring our relationship. Its predictable stability allowed him to trust the process, me, and his own progression more with each passing session, enabling him to share even vulnerable thoughts.
Even though we weren’t consciously aware that our process would come to an end, when that moment finally arrived, we were ready.
When I asked how this session was compared to the “friendly chat” he anticipated, Tim told me:
“Thank you for making this closure a soft landing for me.”
It’s perfectly okay to ask for support. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own. While I believe everyone is their own best expert, I’m also a big believer in asking for help to create change together. It’s comforting to have someone by our side as we go through transitions. If you’re feeling motivated to expand your comfort zone and curious about how I can support you on your journey, let’s talk.
Every leader inherits habits from someone they once worked for, good and bad. Online leadership coaching helps you decide which ones are actually yours to keep.
